I will become him

Because the Internet.

My name is Jarvis Stapleton, originally from North Puyallup, outside Tacoma, but now a resident of the big red apple.  Father was a pig farmer, but that wasn’t in the cards for me.  I pulled up stakes and high-tailed it to New York City—spent half my fortune to get there, too.  When I arrived, I got straight into the markets, trading in pork bellies.  I guess you could say I had entered the family business HA!   Well, everything was ring-a-ding-ding when it all went from easy street to hooverville.  I ended up losing the other half working in corn husks.  Barely have a sawbuck and a Lincoln to my name now, and I’m always the first in the breadline every morning, togged to the bricks though it won’t get you soup any faster!   HA!

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